brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Welp...herpes.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
