i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
