RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
