If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
