I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
