Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
