ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
