Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Couch. On fire.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
