i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
