Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
