I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
