How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
