just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize