i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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