So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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