HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
