walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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