Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize