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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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