i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Randomize
