There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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