Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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