i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
