I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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