any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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