I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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