Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
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