There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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