k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
