I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize