I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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