I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
