I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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