Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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