I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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