At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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