let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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