when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
