I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
