Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
