My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
