hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize