Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
