Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize