is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
