I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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