OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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