My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
