he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
