He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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