Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
