He uses pillows to masturbate.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
