u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
