Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
