She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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