i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
