No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
