I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
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