Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
