my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
