Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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