I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
My ATM looks so different sober.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
