Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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