toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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