I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
