the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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