I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Randomize
