How'd it feel making her break her religion?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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