i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
