they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
