One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
there was a trapeze. enough said
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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