watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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