I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I can text with my tongue
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
