This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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