I never want to see another naked old woman again.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
